Sometimes, I like to have fun with telemarketers.
HIM (english accent): Hello, i’m blah blah calling from something XXXX Group (company of well known Australian direct marketer) or suchlike I think…I don’t want to sell you anything.
ME: Really, so what is this, a social call? Calling to see how my grandmother is or what I made for dinner? How nice..
HIM: Err, uhhh….actually sir, we’re calling to offer you the chance to help use the tax you pay to create investment opportunities instead, it’s all sanctioned by the government of course.
ME: Government, which government?
HIM: Ummm, errr, the Australian one I believe.
ME (starting to enjoy myself): okay, tell me more
HIM: Yes, well first I ask you some questions to see if you qualify.
ME: Qualify for what.
HIM: For the ummm, ahhh, errr access to the investments we have to offer.
ME: Where are you calling from?
HIM: New Zealand
ME: Are you a backpacker?
ME: Soooo, is this what Mr fabulous direct marketer (well known in Australia) is up to nowadays, flogging off the plan properties for developers under the pretence of wealth creation.
HIM: Ummm, errr, i’m not sure what you’re talking about.
ME: Using New Zealand call centres. He always was an innovator!
HIM: Do you know him?
ME: Don’t tell me, I bet you go around telling everyone that property doubles every seven to ten years like clockwork, right? So, let’s cut to the chase, you’re an english backpacker in a New Zealand call centre trying to book meetings with stooges…I mean, investors
HIM: Umm, ahhh, well actually, we just get a ‘financial advisor’ to come out to you and run you through the process.
ME: You mean, he’s going to show me how to use negative gearing, tax variations etc coupled with carefully selected properties that your expert team has chosen that are guaranteed to double within 7 to 10 years, right?
HIM: Ummm, ahhh, we just arrange investments so that you can take care of your superannuation for you know, retirement and stuff like that.
ME: And don’t tell me, your ‘financial advisor’ and I use the term in the loosest sense of the term because both you and I know that said company is not operating under an Australian Financial Services Provider License and therefore should not be providing advice in any way shape or form can also arrange the finance and property management, etc…
HIM: Ummm, errrrr, it sounds like you don’t need our services.
ME: Yes, yes indeed, perhaps it would be a good idea that you remove me from your database.
HIM: Errrr, yep, sorry to disturb you, have a good evening